indisciplined nightmare

While black is always beautiful, sometimes it can be very ominous. Like today. The very unusual afternoon-nap-nightmare made it's presence felt. It was perhaps one of the very worst nightmares I have had so far- nothingness, everythingness. All around - black. Not the kind you have at night, even the deepest and darkest of nights. This was worse I could feel the absence of anything around me. Though I could not see, I somehow knew that there was a horrible emptiness everywhere and I was merging with it.
Pheww... I'm glad I woke up from that one.

I can never do anything in a reasonable measure. I have a grand aunt, very disciplined and very proud of it. Always giving (us children) her example to folllow. She used to read 5 pages of her novel at eight p.m. every night before she turned in to bed. Now THAT could be a nightmare for me. A book for me has to be devoured, digested, even ruminated. If you can't adopt their world for the duration of the reading at least, hardly a point in it is there?

Now, how did I start about control. Oh yes, I have declared myself indisciplined. There's nothing more to it and I can't fight it anymore. I was made that way. Nature!... and nurture tried hard, yes very hard, but nature won! I will always be this way- haphazard, careless, uncontrolled and I shall have to live, well, despite it I guess.