Renaissance
I am suprised I actually remember my password to this place considering how often I come here to write..I'd be even more surprised if anyone else came here to read..and of course grateful in my own little ungrateful way!
I wish now that I wrote more regularly, it might, just might clear my mind a bit. Now that I sit here, facing the screen, keyborad in front of me with the rare mug of coffee sitting on my table I seemed to have blanked out. All I can think of right now is that 23 square is 529!!.. And that's not such a bad thing to be thinking if you have CAT in a month!!
Let me get straight to the point, if it can be called that
I feel that I'm being re-born. I feel like some very important part of me had a near death experience or was simply sleeping for a while. I didn't know myself. Days I would spend ...well that's just dramatzing it a bit..but yes a part of my brain would sepnd days wondering "who I am"..not in the spiritual-philosophical sense of the phrase rather in the more pragmatic.. who the fuck is this..is this me?? I don't even know this person I don't understand her, why she does what she does why she thinks and feels how she does.
I guess I was growing up- ahh well all these r just theories...lets just say it feels gud to be back again! :)
I didn't enjoy being unsure of myself..questioning my own moves..the intrigues of the inner self r more than I can bear! Confidence is more my thing..I like being this way and I hope I stay this way. whatever that "coma" was that I came out of- I hope I never go into it again!
I really do think however these were my years of growing up, of actually evolving as a person, of finalizing my principles, my tastes, my attitudes...each time I doubted myself and gave myself hell- it was just to create a template for the future to be sure that my choices in life were right to be certain that these were the choices that I would want to be identified with and this is the kind of person I want to become. I still have not become that person, far from it, nor indeed do I even know what that person is like- but I have a general sense of direction!I shall always be my most ruthless critique and I won't enjoy it- but then that's part of the template I've chosen for myself.I wonder if this would make sense to anyone but me or someone who knows me very well.
oh, I love my mind's meanderings- sighh..actually I love anybody's mind's meanderings..
I havn't had my late night chat about kings and cabbages for a long time so there's lots more where this came from but...
well...my philosophical side and my super-practical side r forever in conflict and my super-practical side has had just about enough of this bull-shit!
:)
I wish now that I wrote more regularly, it might, just might clear my mind a bit. Now that I sit here, facing the screen, keyborad in front of me with the rare mug of coffee sitting on my table I seemed to have blanked out. All I can think of right now is that 23 square is 529!!.. And that's not such a bad thing to be thinking if you have CAT in a month!!
Let me get straight to the point, if it can be called that
I feel that I'm being re-born. I feel like some very important part of me had a near death experience or was simply sleeping for a while. I didn't know myself. Days I would spend ...well that's just dramatzing it a bit..but yes a part of my brain would sepnd days wondering "who I am"..not in the spiritual-philosophical sense of the phrase rather in the more pragmatic.. who the fuck is this..is this me?? I don't even know this person I don't understand her, why she does what she does why she thinks and feels how she does.
I guess I was growing up- ahh well all these r just theories...lets just say it feels gud to be back again! :)
I didn't enjoy being unsure of myself..questioning my own moves..the intrigues of the inner self r more than I can bear! Confidence is more my thing..I like being this way and I hope I stay this way. whatever that "coma" was that I came out of- I hope I never go into it again!
I really do think however these were my years of growing up, of actually evolving as a person, of finalizing my principles, my tastes, my attitudes...each time I doubted myself and gave myself hell- it was just to create a template for the future to be sure that my choices in life were right to be certain that these were the choices that I would want to be identified with and this is the kind of person I want to become. I still have not become that person, far from it, nor indeed do I even know what that person is like- but I have a general sense of direction!I shall always be my most ruthless critique and I won't enjoy it- but then that's part of the template I've chosen for myself.I wonder if this would make sense to anyone but me or someone who knows me very well.
oh, I love my mind's meanderings- sighh..actually I love anybody's mind's meanderings..
I havn't had my late night chat about kings and cabbages for a long time so there's lots more where this came from but...
well...my philosophical side and my super-practical side r forever in conflict and my super-practical side has had just about enough of this bull-shit!
:)
posted by inconsequential at 10:52 pm
8 Comments:
wats the kings n cabbages talk? im v curious! do tell! infact write a blog abt it!
You don't know what the kings and cabbages talk is ??? then pray tell me - who does...!! lol. And thank u for actually reading this:)
and waise tho its not been a long time it feels like it has...so aapke paas kabhi waqt ho tho... raja aur bandgobhi discuss karte hain !
This comment has been removed by the author.
you say in your blog about finalising your principles, tastes, attitudes, etc; about growing up, in short. you seem to doubt yourself and your actions, which indicates that you must be a very honest person. i can say with some degree of confidence that i am able to make out what is it that you are trying to say.
but, what i feel is that one should not be hell-bent on forming one's principles. the principles i am talking about may be absolutely trifle ones like whether you should buy expensive brands given that they may be no different from what you would get otherwise; or they might be ones that can shape your life, like the way you treat somebody who can do you no harm whatsoever.
so the point is to be honest, and to never be afaid/shy of changing one's way of treating things. one would seldom disagree that it is far better than putting up with - just for the heck of it - something you don't exactly like.
@ anand,
That's quite an interesting perpective , and I think u r quite right for most part. But that in itself is a principle, being honest with yourself and allowing yourself to be guided by each situation and not to be restricted by predetermined rules- isn't it? It's how you've decided to approach life- in the sense I have used the term in my blog, I would count that also as a decesion made during your growing years. Having said that, I also personally feel that there are some perceptions and attitudes that are best not too flexible...lest they go into the zone of spineless-ness. There are some few things that one should feel strongly about...whatever those thigns are. I feel, that sort of gives life and you as a person more meaning!
it's one thing if you decide to call being flexible and adaptable in your principles a principle in itself. but it must have been my inability to comment in a correct way, and nothing else, that led you to misinterpret the flexibility or adaptibility as opportunistic or 'spineless' behaviour.
but then where do you draw the line, how do you classify them things, and is it absolute or subjective are some questions i can't answer right away, but will surely be giving a thought to.
@ Anand
I didn't at all think that you meant that in your comment!! The part on flexibility vs spinelessness was merely what I added to caution from either extreme. SO I actually wasn't contradicting anything you said , just, well, sort of thinking aloud about it. And the answers can't be too easy I'm sure, but the discussion via comments was rather interesting. I would say please keep commenting on my blogs, except I think I don't write often enough to pull that off!!
back after long time.
check my latest blog. i tried to resolve a question i had for long.
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