The Answer is Blowing in the Wind ...
As I sit here to write, the numbness that has engulfed me for the past few days, is melting away making way for a complex mixture of emotions – my reactions to the terror attack in Mumbai is wholly responsible for this. I am affected no more by this incident than every other Indian is, perhaps less than some, in the sense that no one I personally know was affected. But today, I find myself heaving no sighs of relief, counting no blessings, thanking no gods.
Nothing I am feeling, or thinking and indeed nothing I may say here today may be any different from what you, whoever you are, have felt or thought, but still, I am glad I sit here to say it and I wish that every one of you would find a way to make yourself count too.
I have so many things to think through right now, and I don’t know where to start. So first, to begin with, a few things that ‘got my goat’.
On the evening when I heard the news, and the scale and nature of the attack was still unclear, I was anxious about a friend I wasn’t able to reach and whom I knew took the train at CST, where one of the attacks had taken place. One response that jolted me was a flippant comment, a light hearted crack at how every time people hear of terror attacks they get worked up and try to call and sms everyone they know to check if they are all right. I didn’t pay much attention then, and even managed to crack a smile- my friend was fine, after all- I perhaps had over reacted. But I knew then deep inside what I am able to pull out and stare at with distress now- how many things were wrong with that sentence, said in such an admirably witty style - “every time people hear of terror attacks”, “over react”,“ haha”, “ har hafte hota hai” .
I have heard of laughter being the best medicine and of life moving on- and I do both these things as well as the next Indian, but have we not over medicated ourselves? Is our defense mechanism now not part of the problem?
It is a thin and difficult to draw line between resilience and acceptance. The illiterate wife who walks out on her abusive husband and raises and educates her two children is resilient. Her staying and bearing the abuse with a smile is acceptance. Leaving her children and running away with a new lover is escaping. What am I doing? And you?
So, it was that this time I did not let myself run away, I did not let myself get away with jocular cynicism. It is true that thus far I have only forced myself to feel and think, but that is a start.
PM Singh asked Advani to fly with him to Mumbai (later cancelled for other reasons) – Mr X : “I am glad that our politicians are at least presenting a united front as a first reaction”
I am glad??? Are you? Isn’t that the least they can do!!? How dark is our cloud, for this to be the silver lining.
On the subject I quote here an sms I received the morning after the attacks started (and 2 days before Delhi elections)
-Enough is enough. TERRORIST have nt only attacked MUMBAI but our National Pride, INDIA can no longer afford a week Govt. Mehangi Padi Congress.
The revulsion I felt when I read this sms is returning to me easily as I type it out here. Ignoring the fact that no government or party has done any better for us than any other, the kind of person who could think to so swiftly plan and execute a political maneuver as his first reaction to the attacks, is not the kind of man I want in power. Unfortunately our choices are between a rascal and a rogue, no political party has proved itself to be distinctive in the context (or any context for that matter)
Jayanti Natarajan (of the Congress), my sister tells me, is voicing her anger through the media about how the public is directing their anger against politicians. I can understand she is hurt and no one likes to see placards telling them they are hated. But I can think of no other identifiable group of our country that can be held more responsible. (Except us, but more about that later)
At any rate, it is not (at least as of now) a religious community that is facing the brunt of public anger, which was one of my biggest fears and sadly a very valid one. I know, because there are those among us who hold such views and air them, unabashedly, in a manner that is shameful to any country that calls itself secular. Sadder still, are those amongst us who let such rants pass, even if we disagree, merely because we don’t see the point of picking up an argument, an adversary or an unfriendly reputation.
I have my views, as does any thinking person, on what needs to be done. Specifically, on what systems need to be put in place. Every aspect – the intelligence, co ordination, security forces, planning, execution, diplomacy- all need well thought out and meticulous restructuring.
That is, however for a different forum and requires a different kind and depth of discussion and is more academic than emotional. Before any of that happens, what I am more concerned about is how we react, not the least because any of what actually will end up happening and any change for the better, to my mind, depends on what and how we do.
‘We’ is a rather presumptuous term to use for a democracy as large, diverse and conflicted as ours and yet as someone who understands and argues for the importance of contradictions in a democracy, I feel no conflict in using the word ‘we’. In fact, this is not even any longer about India, it is about any community of which you are a member.
I return here to how I began, the complex mixture of emotions I feel that have hounded me enough for me to (figuratively) pick up the pen. It is the one emotion I did not expect. In the middle of anger, confusion, shock, pain and grief, there is an unmistakable feeling of guilt, and of shame.
I am deeply ashamed of myself.
Right now for instance- I am ashamed of not wanting to sound clichéd, of saying things about ‘each person making a difference’ - things that have been said and heard before uncountable times.
Yet, I can think of no bigger truth than that I, and almost everyone else whose heart is in the right place and whose brain works well, is doing very little indeed to contribute to society.
This is not about making us safer against terrorism. Terrorism is probably a neo- warfare tactic which will out live us and perhaps even the current causes terrorists claim.
Nor is it about everyone joining politics, the civil services or the armed forces. Such an absurdly naïve and impractical suggestion is just that- impractical.
Nor is it about everyone participating in protests marches and waxing eloquent on some cause they have chosen to champion.
It is about none of these things, and, at the same time, about all of them.
First and foremost it is about looking beyond the tip of our noses.
Secondly it is about having an informed and responsible opinion, about doing our bit and expecting every one else to do theirs.
Whether it is your strength to write, to sing, to solve math problems, to earn money or to crack jokes- find a way to be part in spirit not just in letter of your country- of the world. If we are blaming politicians or any one else for their apathy, we need to blame ourselves for our own, we need to take responsibility for the lawless society we make up- each and every one of us. So that the next time something goes terribly wrong (and unfortunately things always go wrong sooner or later) at least everyone will know they really, really tried.
However clichéd and repetitive the words and ideas of this blog may look, however painfully preachy it’s tone may appear to be and however unfashionable it may be for someone (wrongly) attributed with a generous dose of intellectual snobbery as I am, to air such simplistic, seemingly obvious views, - this very simply is what I feel, and the only thing I can think to say.
P.S: On the TV news
I am 95% sure I heard James Bond theme music playing in the background during the broadcast of one the news channels. (Dare I say which?)
CNN has a program, I think it is called backstory (or something) - insensitive, uninformed and callous reporting- I was very unhappy to watch it.
Journalist asks Sabina Sehgal Saikia’s 11 (?) year old son for comments at his mother’s funeral. (WHY???)
All said and done I have to admire the determination and sheer energy of some of my not-favorite journalists in covering the incident.
Nothing I am feeling, or thinking and indeed nothing I may say here today may be any different from what you, whoever you are, have felt or thought, but still, I am glad I sit here to say it and I wish that every one of you would find a way to make yourself count too.
I have so many things to think through right now, and I don’t know where to start. So first, to begin with, a few things that ‘got my goat’.
On the evening when I heard the news, and the scale and nature of the attack was still unclear, I was anxious about a friend I wasn’t able to reach and whom I knew took the train at CST, where one of the attacks had taken place. One response that jolted me was a flippant comment, a light hearted crack at how every time people hear of terror attacks they get worked up and try to call and sms everyone they know to check if they are all right. I didn’t pay much attention then, and even managed to crack a smile- my friend was fine, after all- I perhaps had over reacted. But I knew then deep inside what I am able to pull out and stare at with distress now- how many things were wrong with that sentence, said in such an admirably witty style - “every time people hear of terror attacks”, “over react”,“ haha”, “ har hafte hota hai” .
I have heard of laughter being the best medicine and of life moving on- and I do both these things as well as the next Indian, but have we not over medicated ourselves? Is our defense mechanism now not part of the problem?
It is a thin and difficult to draw line between resilience and acceptance. The illiterate wife who walks out on her abusive husband and raises and educates her two children is resilient. Her staying and bearing the abuse with a smile is acceptance. Leaving her children and running away with a new lover is escaping. What am I doing? And you?
So, it was that this time I did not let myself run away, I did not let myself get away with jocular cynicism. It is true that thus far I have only forced myself to feel and think, but that is a start.
PM Singh asked Advani to fly with him to Mumbai (later cancelled for other reasons) – Mr X : “I am glad that our politicians are at least presenting a united front as a first reaction”
I am glad??? Are you? Isn’t that the least they can do!!? How dark is our cloud, for this to be the silver lining.
On the subject I quote here an sms I received the morning after the attacks started (and 2 days before Delhi elections)
-Enough is enough. TERRORIST have nt only attacked MUMBAI but our National Pride, INDIA can no longer afford a week Govt. Mehangi Padi Congress.
The revulsion I felt when I read this sms is returning to me easily as I type it out here. Ignoring the fact that no government or party has done any better for us than any other, the kind of person who could think to so swiftly plan and execute a political maneuver as his first reaction to the attacks, is not the kind of man I want in power. Unfortunately our choices are between a rascal and a rogue, no political party has proved itself to be distinctive in the context (or any context for that matter)
Jayanti Natarajan (of the Congress), my sister tells me, is voicing her anger through the media about how the public is directing their anger against politicians. I can understand she is hurt and no one likes to see placards telling them they are hated. But I can think of no other identifiable group of our country that can be held more responsible. (Except us, but more about that later)
At any rate, it is not (at least as of now) a religious community that is facing the brunt of public anger, which was one of my biggest fears and sadly a very valid one. I know, because there are those among us who hold such views and air them, unabashedly, in a manner that is shameful to any country that calls itself secular. Sadder still, are those amongst us who let such rants pass, even if we disagree, merely because we don’t see the point of picking up an argument, an adversary or an unfriendly reputation.
I have my views, as does any thinking person, on what needs to be done. Specifically, on what systems need to be put in place. Every aspect – the intelligence, co ordination, security forces, planning, execution, diplomacy- all need well thought out and meticulous restructuring.
That is, however for a different forum and requires a different kind and depth of discussion and is more academic than emotional. Before any of that happens, what I am more concerned about is how we react, not the least because any of what actually will end up happening and any change for the better, to my mind, depends on what and how we do.
‘We’ is a rather presumptuous term to use for a democracy as large, diverse and conflicted as ours and yet as someone who understands and argues for the importance of contradictions in a democracy, I feel no conflict in using the word ‘we’. In fact, this is not even any longer about India, it is about any community of which you are a member.
I return here to how I began, the complex mixture of emotions I feel that have hounded me enough for me to (figuratively) pick up the pen. It is the one emotion I did not expect. In the middle of anger, confusion, shock, pain and grief, there is an unmistakable feeling of guilt, and of shame.
I am deeply ashamed of myself.
Right now for instance- I am ashamed of not wanting to sound clichéd, of saying things about ‘each person making a difference’ - things that have been said and heard before uncountable times.
Yet, I can think of no bigger truth than that I, and almost everyone else whose heart is in the right place and whose brain works well, is doing very little indeed to contribute to society.
This is not about making us safer against terrorism. Terrorism is probably a neo- warfare tactic which will out live us and perhaps even the current causes terrorists claim.
Nor is it about everyone joining politics, the civil services or the armed forces. Such an absurdly naïve and impractical suggestion is just that- impractical.
Nor is it about everyone participating in protests marches and waxing eloquent on some cause they have chosen to champion.
It is about none of these things, and, at the same time, about all of them.
First and foremost it is about looking beyond the tip of our noses.
Secondly it is about having an informed and responsible opinion, about doing our bit and expecting every one else to do theirs.
Whether it is your strength to write, to sing, to solve math problems, to earn money or to crack jokes- find a way to be part in spirit not just in letter of your country- of the world. If we are blaming politicians or any one else for their apathy, we need to blame ourselves for our own, we need to take responsibility for the lawless society we make up- each and every one of us. So that the next time something goes terribly wrong (and unfortunately things always go wrong sooner or later) at least everyone will know they really, really tried.
However clichéd and repetitive the words and ideas of this blog may look, however painfully preachy it’s tone may appear to be and however unfashionable it may be for someone (wrongly) attributed with a generous dose of intellectual snobbery as I am, to air such simplistic, seemingly obvious views, - this very simply is what I feel, and the only thing I can think to say.
P.S: On the TV news
I am 95% sure I heard James Bond theme music playing in the background during the broadcast of one the news channels. (Dare I say which?)
CNN has a program, I think it is called backstory (or something) - insensitive, uninformed and callous reporting- I was very unhappy to watch it.
Journalist asks Sabina Sehgal Saikia’s 11 (?) year old son for comments at his mother’s funeral. (WHY???)
All said and done I have to admire the determination and sheer energy of some of my not-favorite journalists in covering the incident.
posted by inconsequential at 9:22 am
3 comments
