Second Attempt

Sounds of Silence

Lonely soul still wanders
As though lost in failing light
Continues in a never ending search
For something always just out of sight

With an eye for beauty and a want for love
And with a living passion intense
Building turbulence even in her calm
With this search in the silence

Even as clouds touch the mountain peak
And beckon him to their abode
Her search takes her to greater depths
On life's steady winding road

On the way many have been
That have caused this loneliness to go
With a whisper or a touch
Or a loving look in times of woe

With memories of people and places
Both of joy and sorrow
With a hope that a feeling of love long gone
May be rekindled in the coming morrow

And so the lonely soul still wanders
As though lost in failing light
Continues in a never ending search
For something always just out of sight

Yes still searching, god knows for what. Failed again today, at something, what it is, doesn't much matter. Failure at something in my personal life, the details of which are probably completely unwanted! I'm getting both tired of failing and used to it. Either of two thingss can happen, I can lapse into a state of acceptance and begin to proxy live my life on behalf of som unknown stranger, or I can suddenly burst one day, under the pressure and do something revolutionary. For some reason, I fervently hope its the latter! Acceptance is not my cup of tea!

Yesterday was a friends birthday, dropped in to wish him today. Ahhh, birthdays are such wonderful things. I think I'm one of those few lucky people in the world who've managed to maintain that wonderful starry eyed image of a birthday that normally is associated with an eight year old! at least- thus far! Old friendships die hard. Atleast for me, an unsaid commitment once made is kept for life. There may be a hundred reason why I should dislike someone or reverse my affection for them, but as I've come to learn, things such as emotions dont follow things such as rules! :)
I love my friends, each and every one of them from the bottom of my heart. And though I am normally a very justice oriented person, I give these people no end of leeway. Because somethings just dont change. And I like it this way.

Wrote a blog 2 days back, a nice long one, rather serious one, with heartfelt comments and points of view on a couple of things that were making the news and that were taking up my mindspace.

But that was another day, today I have neither the inclination nor enthusiasm to sit at lenth and vociferously argue out my points of view! But I shall not be at rest until I make some reference to what I had meant to elaborate on in this blog.

Reg. the recent Rape case in Mumbai. Read this excerpt. -

But the Shiv Sena in a clear break from the public mood indirectly defended the shocking act.Page three cultureIn a front page article in Saamna, it blamed Mumbai's "page three culture" and women themselves for provoking men."There seems to be a competition among young girls to wear low waisted clothes and display their underwear. Nowadays its not possible for families to walk on chowpatty. Watching girls with cigarettes in their hands is definitely a sign of great worry. With such clothes that tempt men who can we blame?" the article said."The changing culture is perhaps responsible for the rising rapes against the women," said senior Shiv Sena leader Narayan Rane.

Most of you who read my blog would probably know what I would have written about this, so please imagine some of that and comment. ...Sorry *weak smile* I'm tired.

Sexuality

Things have happened these past few days...the usual pointless mundane things that seem so important to the one who goes through them though!..like exmas..AARRRGGHH.. but today my blog finally has a point. And for the first time in my albeit short blogging journey have I actually "needed" to write a blog and have actualy seena point in it.
It happened like this- and all this was on the internet. A couple of days ago, a friend of mine after swearing me to secrecy told me that he was homosexual. When I look back on my reaction now I must say that i am most certainly impressed with my reaction. I might have thought that a situation like this would have freaked me out and leave me dazed and confused. But it din't... atleast at that point in time (looking back at it now) I was calm collected and if at all..curious.
How many times do we expect to react to the statement- "I am homosexual".

But what I suddenly realized is how extremely little I knew about homosexuality. No matter how many debates I might have floated the motion "Homosexuality should be legalized" or for that matter debated against it. No matter how many facts and figures I might know and have used on either side of the motion, I now suddenly realized how raw and miserably inhumane my knowledge was.
I spoke with him for a while, we spoke of kings and cabbages and all such things what exactly is not relevant here. For the first time in my life I actually wanted to know...what this is really about. Something that a hundred debates cant tell you. I had an exam the next day and it was late in the night so unfortunately we couldnt speak for long. It was surprisingly normal and easy between us. But I wondered...would it be that way with everyone?

How tough would life be?and is it unfairly so. It's not a matter of choice he said and I wondered how can something which is not a matter of choice be bad? How can it be unacceptable? I suppose the same way that once upon a time left handers were considered evil...(hence the word sinister) the same way black people were considered inferior?
For the first time, I'm looking at it from inside from where he stands (as best as I can). And I cannot even begin to imagine how difficult his life might be. I just wish the human race was not so judgemental, I wish they didnt pretend to know it all. Because the fact is that each time they were sure about something, it got proved wrong.
I am sure it cannot be difficult for human beings to accept that some men are attracted to women and some men to men (and vice versa). Had this been taught to us in our biology classes or incorporated in our grandmother's tales, people wouldnt at all give it a second thought. I would not be writing this blog today! Just goes to show how dumb we really are how controlled by inertia, how unable to think even slightly out of the box, how willing to satisfy rules and live life and how unwilling to push ourselves just that little bit more to undersatnd someone you at first dont.
I can fully well understand the reasons for it making people uncomfartbaly..psychological, sociologically its expicable and expected, but that does not make it understandable or justified.

The techinicalities of homosexuality can make this blog a book, but then thats exactly what i DONT wanna make it. This is not about a debatable subject it's about trying to understand, though it might seem difficult. I am not confused or dazed at what my friend told me I am merely confused and dazed by what the world might someday tell him. I can only hope that not just him but every person should be allowed to pursue their sexuality in peace.

"I believe you cant control or choose your sexuality"
-Affirmation ( Savage Garden )
Comments are much needed, most welcome and much appreciated!